Happy Mother's Day

For All My Favorite Moms by Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist and Author

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories. What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations --what they taught me, was that they couldn't really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2. When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing.

Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the "Remember-When-Mom-Did" Hall of Fame. The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, "What did you get wrong?" (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less. Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life.

When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.

Happy Mother's Day!

www.AWellLivedLife.Net
www.AWellLivedLife.blogspot.com

24 hour Breastfeeding Helpline

As a new nursing mom, I would have loved this resource! I hope that some of you get some benefit out of this great new resource.



NEW 24-hour LLL Helpline Number in the US! 877-4-LALECHE or 877-452-5324 is the number for the new LLL Breastfeeding helpline! The helpline is now operational. Please spread the word! Speak to a La Leche Leader 24 hours a day! Get breastfeeding support and encouragement! Receive answers to breastfeeding questions! Find a local Leader!



http://www.awelllivedlife.net/
http://www.awelllivedlife.blogspot.com/

Welcome!

Hi everyone-
Thanks for visiting my blog! I'm so excited to have this venue to share the information that comes across my desk....things about natural birth, HypnoBirthing, holistic living, attachment parenting, organic products, info about parenting a newborn & toddler, etc.

For my 1st blog, I'd like to post some testimonials from some of my HypnoBirthing clients. Here they are:

"I couldn't believe how wonderful my birth was! To give birth to the first child in two and a half hours?! Without pain relief?! In a darkened, calm room, without forced pushing, nobody who takes my baby away? No stitches? I could not have thought about a better birth for myself. It was the best experience in my life and I am looking forward to doing it all over again. To birth with happiness and joy was amazing!"~ Mareike K. 1st time mom, Midwife in Europe & delivered over 200 babies, Oceanside, CA.

"We feel blessed to have been able to successfully VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), and to have accomplished our goal primarily due to relaxation techniques and the confidence I gained in our HypnoBirthing classes with Carol." ~Katrina & Mike V., 2nd time parents, San Marcos, CA.

"HypnoBirthing was really amazing! It was a great experience...I wouldn't have been able to have a 67 hour completely natural birth without HypnoBirthing. I still had some lingering doubts beforehand, but once labor started, I was able to relax & even sleep between surges in the beginning of labor! When labor got more intense, I was able to remember what Carol had taught me & I was able to stay in the moment & not get overwhelmed. The midwives at UCSD were amazed too & said they had never seen anyone like me--smiling & talking while I was pushing. Our baby is a really mellow baby & very alert. I highly recommend taking Carol's classes & using the UCSD Birth Center." ~ Kristin, 1st time mom, San Diego, CA.

"I will be honest, and tell you I was very scared of the birthing process. When I had my son two years ago, I had an epidural. Although, it was a beautiful birth, I felt I needed to research what would be best for my next baby. When I heard about HypnoBirthing, I knew it was for me. The classes taught me that my fears would affect my birthing experience, whether I had an epidural or not. I knew I wanted to have a peaceful birth. I was empowered by what I learned in Carol’s HypnoBirthing classes. I was so committed to having a peaceful birth that I changed my OB & our hospital in the last few weeks of my pregnancy. When I went into labor with my daughter the tools I learned in class helped me to stay calm. I had her in three hours. I did not scream once. After her birth, my doctor and my husband said I made it look so easy. I was humming through the surges. I will always be grateful for the tools I learned in Carol’s HypnoBirthing classes that empowered me to face my fears. I want to thank you for the support you have shown me and all the resources you have given us. We are very grateful. ~Susan & Miguel N., 2nd time parents, San Marcos, CA.

"In between contractions, I was in such a calm state, the most relaxed I'd been in months! I heard the ocean waves (cd) in the background and the smell of the massage oil that they (my husband & doula) were using on my back and I almost felt like I was at the spa. The HypnoBirthing techniques I learned helped me stay focused on keeping all other muscles relaxed, to focus on each contraction & not "freak out about the whole thing" & to trust my body & my instinct. This helped a ton. Overall it went just as planned. Our daughter is healthy and beautiful and such a calm baby. Thank you for all of your help!"~ Corinne H., 1st time mom, San Diego, CA. (Corinne only attended 2 classes because she went into labor!)

"Hypnobirthing was invaluable to my birthing process. I was able to stay calm and relaxed throughout the entire birth ensuring that I delivered my little girl with ease and without intervention or drugs. I got exactly the birth I wanted thanks to all the care, attention and wisdom that Carol provided."~Jane P. 2nd time mom Encinitas, CA. (Jane took an accelerated 2 day course after feeling like the other non-hospital childbirth education class she was taking didn’t remove the fear she had regarding this birth.)

"Watching Jane’s HypnoBirth was like watching nature in full glory…totally relaxed mom & a peaceful, calm birth. It was one of the most beautiful births I have ever seen,"~ Dee Nipper, Doula to over 400 births.

To learn more about HypnoBirthing, visit my website at www.AWellLivedLife.Net or go to the main HypnoBirthing website at www.hypnobirthing.com.